Four

They are getting heavy now.

They are almost four and they’re getting heavy.

It wasn’t long ago that I carried them together.  Somehow, miraculously, with my body and then with a single sling, and then one on each arm. Up and down and back up the stairs so many times each day.

I still carry them.  But now, just one at a time.  Just once.

Their sugared request coming still.  The task which once exhausted me, now the thread to which I cling.

Carry me like a baby, Mama?

Okay my dear.  Maybe just this time.

Both arms full now and weighed down by one whole boy.  Up the stairs.  Once.  To his separate bed in his separate room.  At naptime.

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And then back down.

And me too, Mama?

And then up again with brother.  Also, heavy.  Strong.  Healthy.  To his separate bed in his separate room.

7.18 Jake Sleeps

I feel the weight of them now.

And no matter how sweet the request,  soon, too soon, I will have to say –

Too big, Sweetie.  

Too big because by the grace of God they are growing and healthy and strong.

{Too big because they are eating all their Superhero food at dinner time.}

 

Too big because four years has passed in an instant.

 

I feel the weight of them, as if all of a sudden.

Soon they will be four.

Four.

I feel the weight of four.

 

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